


Words I cannot say

by Existing_to_multiship



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode: s04e01 Small Victories, M/M, Replicators (Stargate), Spoilers, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:08:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24504424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Existing_to_multiship/pseuds/Existing_to_multiship
Summary: Almost losing your partner sometimes makes you realise all the things you’ve never said to them.
Relationships: Daniel Jackson/Jack O'Neill
Comments: 1
Kudos: 50





	Words I cannot say

For all that Daniel had achieved in his life, all the situations he’s suffered through, he still finds himself unable to ask the questions that plague him. Tell people what they mean to him. 

His parents, for example. There’s so much he wanted to say to them. Most of the major events in Daniel’s life happened after their death, but he still wished he could tell them what happened, how they played out. Daniel wished that he could ask his parents what to do when he started his first relationship at 16. Wishes he’d had their advice on which university to choose. Wished he could ask them what they thought of his theories of the pyramids of Egypt. Wished he could tell them he was right about it all. 

Then his grandfather, Nick. Daniel knows the likelihood of him being able to see Nick again is slim, non-existent even; but just like with his parents, he still thinks about what he wants to say to Nick if he ever sees the elder again. He wants to tell Nick about the stargate program in more depth, revel together in the shared smugness of being proven right after being laughed at and mocked. He wanted to tell Nick about his relationship with Jack, too. While his grandfather didn’t particularly like Daniel’s sexuality, he never made any negative comments, and seemed to never have spoken to anyone about it, hell, when Daniel’s last boyfriend broke up with him, Nick seemed genuinely upset by the news. 

“You were a good pair.” Nick had said. 

Daniel had a lot to say to his ex, too, but that was neither here nor there. 

He’s always wanted to tell Carter that he doesn’t understand what she’s said to him half the time. In either military lingo, or scientific. 

And then there’s Jack. Colonel O’Neill, leader of SG-1, and, well, Daniel has always wanted to say that… 

That his biggest fear, the one Daniel’s carried for the past two years, on every mission they’ve been on, is that Jack would die. 

It’s small, and irrational, but it’s there, and he’s learned to live with it. Usually at this point in a mission, days in, typically on some archeological dig, or negotiating with the local people of the planet, Daniel pretends it isn’t there. While it isn’t unfounded, most missions pose no threat to anyone’s life. 

Right now however, that worry sits at the forefront of his brain, as Teal’c and Jack prepare to enter the submarine. 

A submarine currently filled with replicators, that they have to destroy, while Daniel sits powerless in the control room, still recovering from his appendectomy. 

In reality he’s only metres away, but in his head Daniel is in a wholly different galaxy. One even the stargates don’t go. 

He won’t admit to it, but he’s scared. It’s just made worse by the fact he can’t seek the reassurance from Jack that he’s craved since Jack was beamed aboard the Asgard’s vessel. Not unless colonel O’Neill wants a court martial. Stupid military and their stupid regulations. It’s been a painful few days, both physically, and mentally, Daniel just wants hug, maybe a kiss. 

When Jack was first taken, Daniel had been calm, the Asgard had called upon Jack before, and he’d returned safely many times. This should be no different 

Then he got the news Jack planned to blow the ship up. 

With him on it. 

And that got Daniel to think about all the unanswered questions and half told truths the Colonel would lose the chance to hear, that Daniel would lose the chance to say.

Of course it had been fine. It was always fine. Sam, Jack and Teal’c came back. They were safe. No more replicators. Not for a long time, hopefully. 

And then a Russian submarine turned up, with a single replicator inside. 

“They’re submerging,” Daniel stares at the screen and half listens before he relays the information back to Jack, eyes glued to the grainy display of Jack’s live footage. 

“Heading to the battery deck,” Jack’s tone is serious, firm. It made Daniel more anxious. The screen flickers, and Daniel cannot stop the worried glances he shoots between Major Davis and Master sergeant Siler 

“We’re losing their signal,” 

Davis attempts to reassure, but Daniel is unaffected by his words as the two either side of him speak, focus drawn to Jack’s screen. The video pauses. Once. Twice. Both Teal’c and Jack descend the ladder of the submarine. The door closes behind them. 

“How do they get out if the sub is underwater?” He knows his speech sounds rushed, but Daniel doesn’t care. There are only three people he really cares about, and two of them are trapped in that sub, while he’s a sitting duck, just like he’s been for the last few weeks. Forced to helplessly watch as the action happens around him. 

He’s always hated that. For whatever reason the world seems to want to punish Daniel for some indiscretion he made against it, so it’s always him who’s captured or incapacitated on missions like this. 

He wanted to tell Jack that he hated to watch people do what he should be doing, while he had the knowledge of how he could help.

Major Davis interrupts Daniels' thought with his reply of “Escape hatch.” His stomach drops, they probably won’t have time to make it. Daniel continues to listen intently for every sound and shuffle through his headset. The replicator's metallic feet grind against the metal of the ship, the far off sound echoes through the otherwise silent hull. 

Lights flash around the ship, steam sprays out from nearby pipes. No signs of replicators other than the continuous noises. Daniel can’t help but sit forward on his chair. Sparks fly out from somewhere on the ship. Boots quiet as Teal’c and Jack move around the ship. 

He watches as they finally reach the room where the mother bug should be. 

Daniel holds his breath, waiting with uncertainty. Hopeful it’s still there. Hopeful it isn’t. 

It sits in that room, and Daniel wants to tell Jack to be safe, just as he always does when he’s going into a dangerous situation. But just like all the times before Daniel retains himself for posterity’s sake. 

The bomb goes off, and Daniel knows Jack’s shoulders relax, even before teal’c moves reopen the door. His heart rate spikes as they all watch the replicator rebuild itself from its destroyed parts. Fuck. 

They didn’t account for this. 

The colonel doesn’t hesitate, and he shoots the thing into small pieces before it puts itself together entirely. 

The lights finally flicker one last time then plunge the submarine into darkness, the only light comes from the flashlights attached to Teal’c and Jack’s helmets, as they make to leave. 

As the two are about to climb up the ladder, replicators block their exit, wholly and completely sealing off the ladder from above. Jack turns, and his camera reveals that more replicators have begun to swarm in through the sides. 

“Colonel O’Neill is there anyway you can make it to the escape hatch?” 

No, there isn’t. Daniel still prays there is. They’ve been lucky these pasts years, hopefully it’ll continue today. Hopefully they’ll be fine. They’ve always been lucky, another thing Daniels wanted to say, to point out. 

They try another way, and Daniel can only stare uselessly, as more replicators appear. Jack and Teal’c attempt to shoot them. It’s no use. 

“Prepare to go ahead and blow this thing,” Daniel could cry at those words. 

“That’s not exactly a positive attitude jack,” he chooses instead, he can’t tell Jack that if Jack dies on this mission-

Daniel can’t think like that. Not now. Those thoughts are what get people killed. 

“Listen to me,” Jack turns the camera around so Daniel can see his face over the monitor, like when he comforts Daniel after a traumatic off world visit, he’s always loved that, wishes he could tell Jack how it further endears him to Daniel, the way he strokes his cheeks. The way he holds his face. The way he looks at Daniel, as if, despite all he’s been through, Daniel is still pure, faultless. “We are not getting out of here, mission accomplished, blow it,” 

“Jack!” Daniel’s voice sounds pained, even to his own ears, Jack continues anyway. 

“Daniel, please!” He begs, and oh, that tone, that voice. “Before I get eaten alive by these damn bugs!” And Daniel hates that he’s being forced to choose between blowing up his partner or to have him suffer a death by those bugs. 

Daniel looks down at his hands, his face drops. The sound of gun fire rings through the sub and into his head set. He can’t. Daniel won’t, they still might get out… maybe…

“Davis give the order!” Daniel hates that he’s too weak to do what’s need to be done. He’s always been weak at heart. An academic sure, brilliant, physically strong, but he struggles with these decisions. It just sucks that he has a job that constantly requires those decisions. 

More gunshots ring out, the camera on Teal’c has dropped to the floor, and shows more replicators continue their crawl towards him. They grow closer. Inch by inch. Teal’c and Jack kill some. The replicators still manage to get closer the next time. 

Daniel shakes his head helplessly. 

You need to do this. He tells himself, but he can’t, because then Jack and Teal’c will die, and it will be his fault. 

The replicators are almost at them now. 

He’s always wanted to ask Jack what he first saw in him, what he really thought. Was Jack attracted to him even then? When did it begin for Jack? 

That question won’t be answered. 

A loud scream rings out from Jack, pained, scared, frustrated. 

Daniel doesn’t want this. 

He knows what has to be done. 

“Ok,” Daniel shakes his head again, “ok,” 

“Fire on target,” Major Davis tells someone on the other end of a phone, and Daniel knows this is it. He could almost laugh at how unfair it is. That the last time he’ll ever see Jack is through a tiny low resolution, computer screen. The last time he even held Jack was two weeks ago. 

“Eight seconds for impact,” 

As the Torpedo approaches the sub, it’s sinks in. This is it. The love of his life is going to die in some dirty, rusted submarine. There are so many things he’ll never get to tell him now. How Jack only tries to be himself for Daniel. How he finds it cute that Jack has three pairs of socks, and a shirt left at Daniel’s home. That while Jack can be a pain, he loves to work with him 

“Torpedos still on target,” 

Daniel purses his lips together, and watches. He’s never told Jack that Hammond knows about them. That he just hasn’t spoken of it. That practically everyone they care about knows. That it’s alright. 

He’s never told Jack that, at night he lays awake sometimes, and strokes his hands over his partner’s face, feels his jaw, and light stubble. That he loves it when Jack stays the night and cooks breakfast for him the next day. That Daniel wanted to move in together, in truth. 

That he loved having Jack in his life. More than anyone. That he expected to grow old with Jack by his side. He’s lost a lot of people, his parents, his grandfather, his wife, but jack, he felt permanent. 

And he would be gone.

Just like that. 

He would be gone, and that was it. That’s all Daniel got. There were no second chances, no hails Mary’s. This was all Daniel got, and it's all he’ll ever get. Two years, and a handful of months. 

“Two seconds,” 

Worst of all Daniel’s never told Jack he loves him. 

Now he’ll never hear it. 

The cameras shake. 

Jack falls to the floor. 

The Replicators try to get to him and then…

A beacon of light surrounds jack. 

Then he’s gone. 

It takes Daniel’s brain a second to pull itself from its distraught state of mind. 

The Asgard 

“They’re ok,” Daniel breathes out, tremors begin in his hands. 

“What?” 

“The,” he can’t get it out “the,” it overwhelms him, Teal’c’s ok, Sam probably is too and Jack, just is-

Jack’s alive 

“The-“ he points up at the sky, gives up upon seeing Major Davis face “th-they’re ok,” 

Daniel gasps out a shocked laugh, and smiles. He knows his face is red, and he has tears in his eyes but who cares. Jacks alive! They're all ok! 

It’s a long drive back to the SGC. 

Jack’s waiting for him when he gets there, alongside Teal’c and Sam. 

He stares, amazed. Eyes only for Jack. 

The first chance they get he pulls Jack into a corner, and into a tight hug. 

“Thought you were about to die,” 

“Eh well, I knew we’d get out of it,” Daniel can’t help but laugh at Jack’s words. 

He grasps Jacks face in his hands 

“I love you,” he whispers, hushed, only for them 

“Daniel-“

“I’m serious,” 

“Ok,” it’s quick but it’s a kiss. They hug again. 

Jack’s gonna be ok. 

They’ll all be ok.

**Author's Note:**

> All my unfinished drafts I started months ago are dying. Meanwhile this thing has existed for less than a week


End file.
